The Mom Gene

As a young girl, I never dreamt of one day having a family of my own. As a teenager, marriage was the farthest thing from my mind. In college, I never spent days wondering about how or what kind of mother I will be.

I have wished that I will be so many things my whole life. Being a mom was not one of them. That mom-gene is yet to fully manifest itself.

However, there was this moment over the weekend that I finally noticed that I just might have motherhood in me after all.

We were lazily reading the papers last Saturday, when I came across an article stating that more and more legislators are now supporting the family planning and reproductive health bill.

I have always supported this act. The Catholic Church has done it best to prevent the passage of a bill that will enable and inform families of their options in planning out their families.

I remember making a presentation before in a policy class saying that abortion and family planning should be legalized by the state. As I remember my cocky 18 year old self arguing for that policy, I suddenly feel myself cringing at the thought of an abortion.

Four years ago, while drinking beer with college buddies, they asked me whether I was willing to commit abortion. I answered that if I were 16 or 18 or even 21, I would be willing to. But if I were 24 or older already, I would not. My consideration was my capability to be a parent.

Now, I ask myself whether I can still in good conscience advocate for state-supported abortion.

My baby is alive inside me. I feel her moving and playing inside me. I cannot imagine deliberately ‘getting rid of’ or ‘dealing with’ it.

But my arguments when I was 18 still hold true. That there are sectors in our society that has to resort to even more inhumane methods because abortion is outlawed in the country. These women, I am in no position to judge their reasons nor do I want to, still decided that abortion is better than having a baby. That should be a hard choice for anyone. And the state deliberately makes it harder for them.

As someone carrying a living being inside of her, my heart goes out to all the women who made the decision to have an abortion in this country. Society and our culture already ensured that such a choice would render the woman guilt-ridden and traumatized. The existing laws in the country, defined by the elitist section of the Catholic Church, makes the choice much awful than it already is.

As a mom-to-be, I cannot vocally cheer on abortion as a choice. But as a woman, here in the Philippines, I can only imagine how hard it must be or have been for them.