After two and a half days of labor, I finally gave birth to a baby girl last Sunday. Labor was excruciatingly painful and long, long drawn out. Nonetheless, she came out, healthy and normal.
I was discharged from the hospital yesterday. I have been getting grumpy the past two days. The nagging soreness and the constipation is frustrating me. I guess after the ordeal of labor, I am really out of tolerance for pain.
I think the biggest reason why i have been grumpy is because we could not bring our baby home with us until tomorrow. Since labor was long, the baby defecated inside my tummy already. She had to be treated with antibiotics to ensure her safety. She passed the crucial 48 hours so we expect her healthy and easily discharged tomorrow.
I feel hollow, literally and figuratively. For the past 9 months, there was someone inside me, always with me. She somehow became my anchor and it gave me peace knowing that she was inside me. For the past four days, I do not feel her inside anymore. And I do not have her with us here at home either.
It feels like I am back to my old self. My tummy is flat now. The stretch marks are easily lightening up. The back pains are gone. I am an even hotter version of my single, pre-pregnancy self. Is not that what every woman wants?
I somehow do not feel solace from that thought. It feels like a bad dream where the pain and the travails of the pst nine months of pregnancy disappeared all in a day.
I am melodramatic now. I am sure everything will be better as soon as we have her home tomorrow.
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I realized that I do not want life to go on as before. Where I can easily pretend or dismiss the fact that I am a mother already. I suddenly realize, yes, I want my life to change.
