Pong has a family event to go to. We, me and Kallie, were supposed to go with him. We ended up leaving Kallie at my parents’ house and I begged off so I can finally have a day alone.
For most of this year, I hated being alone. After today’s experience, I realized it must have been my pregnancy, hormones, and all that stuff that made me so clingy.
I spent a happy 16 hours alone now. I remember now how it felt like to walk alone and do stuff alone again. I am happy. I miss Kallie, and I am off to pick her up in a bit. But I am not dependent again.
I can move easily again. I can function normally again.
I am relieved.
It has been a week now. Kallie has been breathing roughly. It is not alarming yet though I wonder what is causing it.
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I see infants from poor families enduring pollution in the city. They are carried around in dirty streets, exposed to a lot of people, and subjected to the sun, the wind, and other conditions. They sleep soundly through it. They seem a bit malnourished, but these kids are hardly sickly. Their parents will not rush to the pedia at the first sign of a cough.
So why should I?
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I think there are things that everyone just has to go through. I know Kallie is still a baby hence needs all the assistance she can get. But there are things she will really have to overcome on her own. If I force things, like by letting medication overcome the phlegm for her, how will her body develop the necessary mechanisms to overcome it in the future?
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I have been reading around. The congested breathing (minus colds, cough, fever, and other symptoms) tends to be normal to infants. It can be the cool weather that affected her. Or a myriad other reasons. Even if it is a virus, we really have no choice except to wait it out.
I have a lot of things to blog about, especiallly with the week I had caring for our baby. Surprisingly, my mind is blank.
I cannot seem to write much.
They say that the body of a mom produces oxytocin, a hormone that makes her forget stuff. I am lucky I have not been forgetting where I left things or whether I have done things already.
I do forget lyrics to songs I used to know. I realized this because I tried to sing to Kallie so she will fall asleep.
Mostly, my mind is blank. Blank in a way it has never been before. I guess it is my body’s way of making sure that all my focus is on the baby alone.
